


I play it off but I'm dreaming of you

by sailorplutos



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: 14k words of tsubahonk yayy, F/F, i don't know what else to add so idk enjoy it, it's kinda angsty but it has a happy ending, this is an au where u's continued their career as idols
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-31
Updated: 2016-07-31
Packaged: 2018-07-28 11:10:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7637755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sailorplutos/pseuds/sailorplutos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two idols that meet again and a love story that unfolds. Though things are never as easy as you'd like them to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I play it off but I'm dreaming of you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cacatúa](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Cacat%C3%BAa).



> Hello everyone! This is me with another fanfic — this time, it's a TsubaHono. I personally really like this ship and it makes me sad that there's so few stories about them. So, since it was my friend Cacatúa's birthday recently, I decided to write this as a present for him (enjoy it boy! You're the best♥).  
> On a side note, this whole story was written while I listened to I Try by Macy Gray (hence the title) and Forever by Girls' Generation, so it gets kinda angsty sometimes buuuut it has a happy ending, I swear.  
> Now pelase enjoy the story. It's long so yeah, make yourselves comfortables.

Honoka didn't know when it had started.

She knew it was part of their contract. One of μ's managers had come one day holding a heap of papers, magazines and other documents to show the girls how they were going make their popularity skyrocket. If she thought about it, that was probably the beginning.

The idea of what their managers wanted them to show seemed easy to accomplish — after all, μ's were the best of friends. Being honest, Honoka thought at first that they actually had nothing to change to do what they were being told to do.

"You have to show how much you like each other."

They already did!

"Don't forget to hold each other's hands whenever you can."

She also did that every once in a while. Holding everyone's hand more often didn't sound like a bad idea, so…

"You need to look as if you were in love."

…What?

Honoka didn't know when it had started, but she suddenly found herself alone.

* * *

μ's made their research into the vast issue of fanservice. With all the documents gathered by their manager, they sat in the meeting room and discussed how they were going to face what they had been asked to do. Apparently, they did have a lot to look through.

Of course, Nico and Hanayo were the most versed in the topic and they took their time to show the rest of the girls what they needed to know. Honoka was confronted with lots of new vocabulary and the discovery that fans went way further than just enjoying their music and attending to their concerts. It was shocking and, being really honest, not quite pleasant to learn that a lot of fans weren't actually interested in them as a group of nine but rather individually or just in couples.

Nico even made the effort to draw a diagram for all of μ's to understand how a fan's mind worked. She and Hanayo had prepared a series of slides where they explained different concepts of the fan slang, usually illustrated with numerous examples. It was clear that those two were the real experts and the only two who had been true fans before they became idols and, therefore, objects of idolization.

Honoka found herself faced with tons of new terms that she couldn't really get a grasp of, even if she thoroughly took notes of everything her friends talked about and made lots of notes so she could later use those concepts in real life. Nico explained it easily — sharing your favourite fanarts every now and then, replying to some comments left on their social networks, uploading selfies with cute messages for their fans… Simple things that only fuelled the already passionate love their fans had for them.

However, when they reached a certain topic, Honoka got suddenly lost and stopped understanding what they were talking about.

"So," Nico said, changing the slide that was being showed on the screen to the next one, "let's get to what actually concerns us today."

Hanayo was busy searching for something in a huge box that she had brought with her, so Nico waited for her to finish before she started talking again. Meanwhile, the other seven members of μ's stared at the screen in confusion, not quite understanding what they were going to be talking next.

The slide showed a simple word, without any pictures that illustrated it or helped to figure out its meaning: _shipping_.

"Ah, I found it," murmured Hanayo, taking what it seemed to be some kind of book out of her box. Nico nodded slightly and walked to position herself in front of the screen in order to catch everyone's attention.

"Nice," Nico happily hummed, "now we're ready to start." She gestured at her back to the word written on the screen. "Does anyone know what this means?"

The room remained silent, as nobody tried to give it a chance. What in the world could _shipping_ mean in relation to idols? Ideas came and went, but none of the members took the risk and spoke what they had in mind. Nico had expected that, apparently, because she didn't wait too long before she continued her talk.

"As most of you have already noticed, fans tend to create all kinds of fantasies around μ's. Some want us as their girlfriends, other as their best friends, other like to fantasize of us in every type of scenario you can come up with. But mostly," she looked at Hanayo and signalled her to change slides, "they enjoy pairing us together. That's what we call _shipping_."

Nico took a step to the side and let the screen be seen. It showed numerous pictures of members from other groups —most of them μ's knew personally or had even worked with—, hugging, laughing together, holding hands, whispering into each other's ear…

Those were things that μ's already did while they were onstage or recording things, but apparently it had another side to it. A side that went further from innocent gestures made between friends because fans misunderstood them.

"These are, of course, things we all do. But our dear fans seem to think that, behind all that hand holding and hugging, hides a greater thing that they really like to exploit for their fantasies." Nico explained, running a hand through her hair with a smug smile. Hanayo, still sitting next to her, nodded fiercely.

"And what may that be?" Asked Nozomi, though she could already see where the whole thing was going. Other members, however, looked quite confused about the issue, but didn't dare to voice their doubts, so the spiritual girl decided to take the lead that time round.

Nico allowed herself to rejoice in that moment of confusion before she murmured a single word.

"Love."

There was no reaction, but something changed in the room. The members looked at each other, wondering what every gesture, every word, every whisper shared onstage could have actually meant for their fans. Things started to make sense as they realized that, perhaps, those banners that read things such as "NozoEli" or "KotoUmi" weren't just to support their favourite members, but rather their favourite _couples_. Couples that said fans completely made up.

It was crazy and yet, it made absolute sense.

It was _perfect_.

Everything added up to what they have been told. This was what their managers wanted to sell — their feelings. The plan was to feed the fans' insane ideas to keep their love growing and to attract even more public. If they thought about it, fanservice seemed like quite a cruel thing to do, but it's not like they were the only ones who did it.

Nico clapped a couple of times to gather everyone's attention again. Hanayo was busy again trying to arrange something —pictures, some CDs, things that looked like books— on her table while her shorter friend pointed back at the screen behind her. The pictures of other groups were now replaced by a paused video, with no title or hints of what it was about.

"I know it's hard to let that sink in. Hanayo and I here have no problems because we were fans before we were idols, and we know what all of this is about," Nico explained. She didn't look particularly proud of herself after all of her members realized what her words implied —that Nico and Hanayo spent part of their free time dreaming about their favourite idols having a secret affair—.

"Our managers said that if we felt uncomfortable about all of this, we could continue just as we were," Hanayo added in a small voice, looking slightly flustered. The idea of getting more touchy-feely with her members embarrassed her to no end even if, back in her school days, she was the most avid shipper you could find. How things could change in just a few years! "But once you see this, you can _unsee_ it, right?" She said with a sheepish smile.

And Hanayo was right. It didn't matter whether the members of μ's ultimately agreed on carrying on with this whole fanservice thing or not — because now everything they did would make them remember what it meant for some fans. And perhaps that would make things worse, as their glances would be more knowing and their actions more _intimate_.

There was no going back.

"Now, now, girls, let's not worry about the future…" Nico tried to calm things down, as the mood had got slightly weird. "Allow me to show you the most perfect example of this kind of fanservice, brought to you by no other than our dear A-RISE. Do you remember them, right? Of course you all do."

A-RISE were considered the greatest rivals μ's had ever had, even if nowadays each group were too busy minding their own business. Many websites and magazines —not to mention many fans— enjoyed creating rumours about the rivalry, but it was far from the truth: they had a cordial relationship. In fact, it had been a while since they had met, let alone talk or _fight_.

"This is the music video for one of A-RISE's most recent singles, _Last Night_ ," she continued explaining with sparkling eyes. She was a fan, after all. "You know this song, right?"

μ's nodded slightly.

"Have you ever seen the video, though?"

This time, all of μ's shook their heads 'no'.

Nico's lips curved in a grin. Hanayo was smiling, too — it was scary seeing her like that.

"Nice," they said at the same time, just as Nico clicked the 'play' button and the music video started.

Honoka had always enjoyed A-RISE's music, so she was familiar with this particular song. Like most of the group's songs, it had a catchy tune that kept you humming throughout the day after just one listen. The lyrics, however, were way more suggestive than the rest of their discography — they talked about a secret affair, a wild love, and the wish to live last night once again.

The video started with a messy hotel room. Tsubasa Kira sat on an empty and unmade bed, wearing a dress that showed far too much skin to be considered suitable for an idol like her. When she left the room, the music started.

Nico sat down next to Hanayo, a smirk on her lips, keeping an eye on her bandmates. She didn't want to miss their reactions.

Meanwhile, in the video, what appeared to be a party took place. Images of the three members of A-RISE in their night dresses alternated with footage of them doing their choreography for this certain song.

Honoka was about to raise her hand to ask why was this music video considered to be such a great example of fanservice (ignoring the fact that A-RISE's outfits were more than sexy), but the chorus of the song started and suddenly she was being faced with _it_.

There was whispering, there was giggling, there was Tsubasa's hand slightly stroking Erena's thigh and Anju's lips brushing again her leader's ear and smiling seductively. Everything was so flawlessly put together that it didn't feel the slightest inappropriate, even if the storyline of the music video was obviously talking about a _threesome_.

The song continued as different scenes of the three members approaching each other played on the screen — none of them was too suggestive or too provocative, but the feeling that A-RISE felt attracted to each other was there and things built up perfectly before the final chorus of the song arrived.

Tsubasa lead her two members by the hand between sly smiles, more whispers and meaningful winks. They were now back at the hotel room from the beginning of the video —presumably Tsubasa's, as she was the one opening the door—, and they rushed their way into the accommodation, first Anju taking Erena by the hand, and then the two of them grabbing their leader one by each hand and taking her with them.

The video reached its end and Honoka stared at the screen, where a smiling Tsubasa winked at her before she closed the door and followed the rest of A-RISE. The title of the song appeared in white letters over a black screen and then it went black again.

After a few seconds, Nico and Hanayo got up and continued with their explanation and their plan to become more popular by feeding the shippers' fantasies with some fanservice, just like A-RISE did with that music video.

The image of Tsubasa Kira winking at the camera before everything turned black lingered in Honoka's mind for the rest of the day, not allowing her to pay any more attention to what her friends had to say.

Something shook inside her.

* * *

Just like predicted, ship pandering was an absolute go-go for μ's and their popularity kept growing. More fans gathered now when they went to events and their search results online were even more plentiful than before.

As Nico and Hanayo had explained, there were many pairings possible, but some of them were more popular than other — they had agreed to give these ones the most attention, even if they made sure to keep interactions with other members alive.

Nine girls in a group obviously meant that it was impossible to have everyone paired up with another member, so Honoka, Kotori and Umi were told to stick together and sell their relationship as a threesome (pretty much like A-RISE did in their video, only more innocent). Many fans loved the idea of HonoKotoUmi and waved their orange-grey-blue banners proudly, while others preferred to leave on of the girls out of the trio to ship the other two together. Soon, μ's discovered that there was another popular ship within them and it was dubbed by the fans as "KotoUmi", and so they decided to give their public what they wanted.

There was a small problem, though.

Honoka was left behind.

* * *

Honoka loved all of μ's with every bit of her heart.

She had been friends with Kotori and Umi for so long she couldn't imagine a life without them; Rin was the only one who could equal her energy and it was just amazing being with her; she shared a lot of interests —mainly, food— with Hanayo and felt like they both were great supports for each other; she admired Maki deeply and was glad that they had grown to be so close over the time; she was incredibly thankful to Nico for being the group's number one source of motivation and for always believing in the members; she was moved by Nozomi's endless caring for the group's well-being, even if it mean putting the member's feelings before hers; and of course, Eli's dedication to μ's was something she would have never expected, and that would always put a smile on her lips.

And yet, Honoka couldn't help but feeling lonely. No — she didn't feel just lonely. She felt entirely alone.

She could never bring herself to hate any of her members, not in a million years. But it still hurt her when only a couple of fans would choose to change their penlights to orange, or when they only held banners for their favourite couples (something that most of the times would mean Honoka being left out, even if she remembered a few fans who were faithful to what they called "HonoUmi" and "HonoEli").

If only she had someone to hold her hand, too.

* * *

" _I miss the old days when NozoEli was the second most popular ship… Now KotoUmi is rising and taking the spotlight :'("_ — posted by Parfait4Ever, 4:06PM.

" _i wish honokoto would rise again and open ur eyes u fools"_ — posted by birbfan, 5:52PM.

" _honokoto is deader than eliumi you retard"_ — posted by danknozo, 5:53PM in response to birbfan.

" _honomaki used to be good but now i feel like honoka is just there for the sake of being there lmao"_ — posted by mrambiguous, 5:58PM.

" _yea they should totally kick that chick out, she's useless"_ — posted by anonymous, 6:15PM in response to mrambiguous.

" _honoka-san is never useless! she's the very best!"_ — posted by chikaloveshonk, 6:19PM in response to anonymous.

" _she's always getting on the way of other ships smh… i feel like she tries too hard"_ — posted by riseumimakirise, 7:44PM in response to chikaloveshonk.

" _it wouldn't be the same without our eternal ninth wheel hehe_ ^^" — posted by nicoluvr25, 8:20PM in response to mrambiguous.

* * *

"It's good to see you again, Honoka-san," a familiar voice called behind the ginger, who tried her best to wipe the tears that covered her cheeks.

"Good afternoon, Tsubasa-san," Honoka greeted back after she thought her smile was convincing enough to trick the other girl. It had been a while since Tsubasa and she had met, after all. She wouldn't notice. No one ever did, anyway. "I'm glad to see you after all this time. It feels like it's been years!"

"Yeah, I know. But it's nice to see that both our groups are doing so well," said Tsubasa, walking to stand next to Honoka, a bright smile on her lips. She was wearing one of the typical A-RISE outfits —a uniform-like dark dress—, and Honoka guessed she was waiting to be called to perform. μ's had already done their thing and they had been the first to go onstage. "I've been following your career really closely, Honoka-san. I guess you could say I'm a big fan of μ's."

That made Honoka's mood lift somehow. She had always admired A-RISE and their leader greatly, even when they were considered to be rivals during their high school days and even now that they barely interacted because they were too busy minding their own idol business. And Tsubasa Kira was a legend among idol leaders, after all.

"The feeling is mutual, then," Honoka said with an honest smile. The other girl stared at her for a few seconds before she opened her mouth, the corners of her lips curving slightly.

"Your performance back there was impressive, too. I don't know how, but you always manage to catch my eye whenever I see μ's on the stage" Tsubasa stated, making Honoka's cheeks start to heat up. A-RISE's leader had always been very straightforward. "Maybe I should buy my own orange penlight?" She added playfully.

Honoka chuckled and suddenly forgot why she was even sad in the first place. She felt happy to be able to have a conversation with Tsubasa after not seeing each other in a while (they last met during a Live the previous summer — it had been about six months). Even if they weren't _that_ close, Honoka took great pleasure in spending a bit of her time with her old rival.

"I have my own A-RISE penlight, just so you know," she smiled brightly. The sound of Tsubasa's giggles made her feel at ease. "Oh, and our penlights change colours, so if you decided to change your favourite member, you won't have to worry."

"Hmm, change my favourite member? After all these years? Sounds like a no to me."

"To be honest, Tsubasa-san, I always thought your favourite member was Maki-chan," Honoka said, rising a brow, "Don't go lying to me."

Tsubasa looked surprised at that statement, but her smile didn't fade. She was now sitting next to Honoka and leaned a bit against her when she laughed, making the ginger blush at the closeness. "Well, Nishikino-san sure is a very talented idol and her music is always enjoyable. But it was you that caught my attention from the very first moment," she said, and it sounded way too _passionate_ for the context in which they were talking.

A-RISE's leader was about to add something else when a red light started flickering at the top of the door — it meant that it was time for another group to get ready to go on stage. A low murmuring could be heard from the other side of the door and the small TV screen on the room showed the presenters of the event talking to each other while the group that had just performed left the stage. Behind them, in big purple letters, the words, "coming up next… A-RISE!" could be read.

Tsubasa was already on her way to the door before Honoka could even process what was going on. She was supposed to wait until the end of the event but she had had a breakdown and meeting the other girl made her feel better, but seeing her leave changed her mood again.

"Sorry, Honoka-san. I must go now or else Erena is going to kill me," Tsubasa said with a sheepish smile, standing under the threshold. Honoka wanted to pout and ask her to stay but she knew she just couldn't.

"Yeah, it's okay. Do your best out there!" She tried to sound as cheerful as ever, and somehow her voice came out like usual. The other girl nodded slightly and was about to leave the room when something stopped her.

Tsubasa walked over all the way to the ginger and crouched down in front of her a few seconds in silence before she moved her hand to rest on top of Honoka's, who was a mess of blushes and stuttering. A-RISE's leader looked at her in the eyes and Honoka felt like she did when they watched that music video the previous month.

"Next time," Tsubasa said, her eyes never leaving Honoka's, "if you feel down, call me instead of crying. I hate seeing you like this."

She squeezed the ginger's hand one last time and left the room quickly. Honoka couldn't see it —she was too nervous, too stunned to realize—, but Tsubasa was blushing wildly, too.

Without Tsubasa's hand stroking hers, Honoka felt like she always did. _No_ , it was worse.

Without her, she felt empty.

* * *

From: Unknown number, 9:33PM

" _Honoka-san? This is Tsubasa."_

To: Tsubasa-chan, 9:37PM

" _Hello! I have saved your number now. How did you manage to get mine tho?"_

From: Tsubasa-chan, 9:38PM

" _I realized I totally forgot to ask you back in the waiting room so I went to one of your managers. She was really nice"_

To: Tsubasa-chan, 9:41PM

" _Well I should have totally given it to you so you didn't have to go through all that trouble"_

From: Tsubasa-chan, 9:41PM

" _Oh, it was no problem at all!"_

" _She was really nice"_

To: Tsubasa-chan, 9:43PM

" _Then I'm glad you asked her. Our male managers aren't that nice :("_

" _Btw your performance was amazing! I love your latest single. Wish_ _μ's could have more songs like that!"_

From: Tsubasa-chan, 9:44PM

" _Haha as usual, you flatter me. You guys did way better than us — we haven't had enough rest lately"_

To: Tsubasa-chan, 9:48PM

" _I'm serious!"_

" _Also you should totally sleep as much as you can cause I don't want you getting sick"_

" _I mean. Your managers wouldn't like that"_

From: Tsubasa-chan, 9:49PM

" _Of course, you're right :)"_

From: Tsubasa-chan, 10:03PM

" _Honoka-san?"_

To: Tsubasa-chan, 10:08PM

" _Oh sorry. And you really don't have to be so formal! We're friends after all"_

From: Tsubasa-chan, 10:09PM

" _Sure then, Honoka"_

" _Could I ask you something?"_

" _You really don't have to answer if you don't want to"_

" _And you definitely can stop talking to me if you want seriously"_

To: Tsubasa-chan, 10:20PM

"… _what is it?"_

From: Tsubasa-chan, 10:22PM

" _Why were you crying back at the waiting room?"_

From: Tsubasa-chan, 10:27PM

" _Really you can block me if you please"_

" _I'm such a fool, that was so nosy"_

" _I'm very sorry Honoka"_

To: Tsubasa-chan, 10:42PM

" _Would you mind if I call you? Texting is too slow"_

From: Tsubasa-chan, 10:42PM

" _Go on"_

* * *

Tsubasa didn't know when it had started.

Maybe it had always been there, lurking in the back of her mind and her heart, waiting to explode — that sounded like the most reasonable idea. Maybe it was the way that conversations seemed to flow with Honoka, even if she took hours to answer with a monosyllable or some cute emoji that made her chest start feeling funny. Maybe it was the sensation of, at last, not being alone on the road of fame (Anju and Erena were amazing friends, but they were too invested with each other sometimes), the chance to share ideas, dreams and complaints with someone who truly understood. Maybe it was after that day where Honoka had called and opened up to her —not somebody else, but _her_ —, she cried and then smiled because she had Tsubasa to comfort her and she finally didn't have to cry alone.

Tsubasa didn't know when it had started, but she knew she liked Honoka more than she had ever liked someone in her life.

And it terrified her.

* * *

" _I can't believe it's 2016 and people still fight about whether_ _μ's or A-RISE is better. Seriously, grow up"_ — posted by anonymous, 9:03AM.

" _me neither, i mean, a-rise are clearly superior even though they're just three lol"_ — posted by erenastits, 10:00AM in response to anonymous.

" _A-RISE superior? You fucking wish, dimwit. I don't see someone as great as Eli Ayase on A-RISE. Fuck you"_ — posted by diaayase, 10:19AM in response to erenastits.

" _I know right? I wish they would work together some day and shut all of the hater's mouths :( seems like an impossible dream though"_ — posted by makipanaforever, 10:35AM in response to anonymous

* * *

Being gathered by their managers on their free day didn't seem like a good sign, Honoka thought as she sat next to Kotori in the meeting room. All of μ's looked either scared or annoyed, having lost their only chance to spend a day without working because of some kind of "life-or-death news".

Hanayo was scared that their shipping thing had gone too far and now they were going to be forced to do things like naked photoshoots or something like that —they wouldn't be the first girlgroup to do so, anyway—, whereas Nico was sure that their popularity had risen so fast that the company wanted them to go on a world tour. Nobody was taking sides but, silently, everyone wished that neither of them were right. More work meant more money, yes, but it also meant less rest and if they were honest, all of them were in need of a few days without having to work — and sadly, the one they had was being spent into worrying about work.

Honoka, head resting on her fist and trying her best not to snooze on her seat, observed the heated conversation between her groupmates and yawned loudly. She had spent the previous night exchanging texts with Tsubasa until she fell asleep on the sofa at dead of night with a silly smile on her face, but she was soon woken up by her phone ringing and her manager rushing her to the company building where they had to meet. If she had known, she would have said goodnight way earlier (and if she were honest with herself, she actually wouldn't have).

Their male manager sat at the head of the table, looking serious as ever with his thick eyebrows furrowed and his dark eyes glowering at the nine young women he was supposed to take care of. Everyone knew he wasn't particularly fond of μ's, but he was efficient in his job and made sure the girls never got into trouble — something that, given their nature, didn't seem easy to achieve.

He was also scary.

"Girls," he said with a hoarse voice. Clearly, μ's weren't the only in need of a good rest, "please behave. We have something important to talk about."

Everyone stiffened and assented slightly, trying to look half as professional as they usually did. Their other managers —both women, one on her twenties and other on her late forties— also looked kind of concerned, their usual cheerful attitude completely gone. Was it really that bad? Honoka started to fear that their contracts had been cancelled all of sudden and they had to abandon their career.

Turning his laptop to face the members of μ's, the manager then crossed his arms over his chest and let out a loud sigh. None of the girls moved until he gestured them with a slight nod, pointing his head towards the small computer. What appeared to be an email was the only thing the screen displayed and μ's worried that its content would somehow put them in trouble.

Eli was the first one who dared to make a move and craned her neck so she could properly the small font of the email showed. She was soon followed by Nozomi and then, one by one, the rest of the members, who ended up struggling and pushing one another so they could have some proper space to read the infamous email and discover why the hell they were there in the first place. Honoka, who had been sitting opposite the manager all the time, stopped bothering after a minute after realizing that she wouldn't be able to see anything unless she got on the table and read from above her members' heads.

"I-is this…?" Nico muttered after sitting down on her chair, seemingly stunned and little bit paler than usual. Her voice quivered and she didn't finish her sentence.

"I-it can't be r-real…" Hanayo added, taking off her glasses and placing them on the table when she was back on her seat. She looked just like her older friend did — the rest of the members had similar looks on them, and even though Nico and Hanayo were the worst, everyone seemed to be clearly surprised and even scared.

Honoka and Kotori, who weren't able to read the email, stared back at them in confusion.

"It is, of course," their manager said, with her female colleagues nodding in agreement behind him. He also wore a weird expression on his face. "Why would we joke about _this_?"

"B-but this is…" Eli tried to say something, but no useful words came out from her mouth.

Honoka raised a brow at their manager as if saying 'so?', still confused about what was going on. The man glanced at her and sighed, turning the computer so the screen would face him again.

"You're familiar with A-RISE, aren't you, Honoka-san?" He asked with a cold voice that made Honoka shiver. He couldn't possibly know that she was that close with the group, right? "Well, all of us are. I believe they were your inspiration to form μ's in the very first place." Honoka made a sound of acknowledgment at the statement, her lips pressed in a thin line — it was clear that their manager knew the story of the group by heart at this point.

"I am," she answered simply, with Kotori nodding in agreement by her side.

"As expected from our leader," he said with a small grin —a nice one, surprisingly—. He then cleared his throat and continued talking, because the air in the room was starting to get too tense for anyone to handle. "A-RISE have sent us an email asking whether μ's would like recording a collaboration single with them."

Honoka widened her eyes so much that they almost fell out. She stopped listening as her mind started to form hundreds of questions of why, how, was it Tsubasa's fault, were they going to say yes or many more along those lines.

"They have sent us some lyrics and costume ideas, proposed dates for recording both the song and the PV and they have also attached a list of numerous shows and festivals where we could promote this hypothetical collaboration song. Oh, and they also ask us to answer in a period of one to two days or this offer won't be valid anymore. So we need to discuss here and now what we're going to do because this could be really big if we do it correctly."

Nico and Hanayo both stood up on their places at the same time.

"YES!"

"WE HAVE TO DO IT!"

The rest of μ's stared at them with neutral expressions. It was the expected reaction from the two idol lovers.

Nozomi, who sat next to Honoka, chuckled and held Nico by the arm so she could sit down again. The small girl tried to put up a fight but a sole glance from her green-eyed friend was enough to make her aware that it was not the time to be messing around. Nozomi smiled pleased as she saw how Hanayo mimicked Nico and went back to her place, visibly embarrassed.

"Anyways," said Nozomi, smiling like a mother, "I think we should vote it. Personally I would like to finish this reunion as fast as possible so I can enjoy the rest of my free day, so voting now will be the easiest thing to do." She looked at the manager in search of approval. He gave a small nod. "Everyone agrees?"

Nine loud 'yes' echoed through the room.

"Fine," the oldest of the female managers said. She the one in charge of lily white when the groups had separate activities in units, so she went to stand next to Nozomi, her most trusted member. "Let's start from you and Honoka-san will give the final vote. There's nine of you so there's no chance of ties."

"Of course," Nozomi smiled gently, "I vote yes."

"Nico-san?"

"Yes! Who do you think I am?"

"Two against zero. Hanayo-san?"

"I'm with Nico-chan in this," the shy girl said, and it earned her a pat on the back from her raven haired friend.

"Rin-san, how about you?"

"I think it'd be really fun. So I vote yes, nya!"

"Eli-san?"

Eli stayed silent for a few seconds, considering the options. "This would mean a lot of work, but I believe it's also a good way for us to keep growing and becoming more popular. So it's a yes for me," she explained with a small smile.

"That makes five votes, so I guess we will be making the collaboration," said the manager, shrugging. The youngest female, who was usually in charge of Printemps, spoke up and interrupted her.

"Let the girls vote first at least, even if the yes has won." She gestured at Umi and gave her an encouraging nod. "Umi-san, what do you think?"

The lyricist rubbed the back of her head. "Uh… At first I didn't think it'd be a good idea, but seeing that A-RISE have taken the time to actually send us some samples of what they want to do and how we could do it, I believe great things can come out from this. I vote yes."

Everyone nodded in silent agreement.

"Maki-san?"

"I'm with Umi," she said simply. "They are willing to help with the song so I'm not going to be working on my own. Sounds nice, I guess."

"Good. And you, Kotori-san?"

"I vote yes," Kotori said with a cheerful voice, "A-RISE are great professionals and this can be a nice experience for us."

"Last but not least. Honoka-san, what do you think?"

Honoka had not been paying any attention to the things happening around her for the last five minutes. All she wanted to do was take out her phone and call Tsubasa to ask what all of that meant and whether she had had something to do with it. She recalled joking about not being able to meet often and talking about how some fans fought because they thought μ's was better than A-RISE or vice versa, whereas other fans dreamed of both groups making a collaboration of some sort to put an end to this. Was Tsubasa influential enough in her company to convince her CEO that a single with μ's could be a success and good for A-RISE as a group?

"Honoka-san? Are you okay?" Her manager's voice came out worried and eager. Honoka woke up from her daydream and found eleven pair of eyes staring at her, but she felt no pressure at all.

Her answer had been clear since way before this reunion took place.

"It's a yes from me, of course."

* * *

"I can't believe they fucking said yes."

Anju scoffed on her seat, playing with a lock of her hair and raising at eyebrow at Erena, who sat across the room on a table and was too busy glowering at their leader to even bother.

"Erena, darling, language, _please_ ," Anju said as she stood up and walked over to where her friends were seating. Tsubasa didn't move her eyes from the computer screen to pay attention to her. "Though I must admit I too am surprised that they accepted. Those designs I sent were hideous and μ's didn't deserve to witness how untalented I can be sometimes. But Tsubasa was so eager…"

The small leader reacted at that. "I wasn't eager! But we needed to show them how serious we were. And Erena had been working on those lyrics so hard…"

It was time for Erena to scoff now. "Sorry, I don't think I heard you correctly. When you say 'how serious _we_ were', you mean how serious _you_ were, right?" Tsubasa stuck her tongue at her after hearing that, annoyed even if that wasn't far from the truth. "Oh, and also those lyrics we sent were also crap. I just wrote them because she," Erena pointed a finger at her leader, who had already stopped paying attention, "begged me to."

"However, μ's have already sent us their own ideas for the single and they want us to go record next Friday! How cute is that? They're almost as serious about this as Tsubasa is," Anju said with a chirpy voice, sitting next to her friend.

"Well then I hope Tsubasa's crush doesn't make things more difficult because I have read Sonoda's lyrics and they're surprisingly cheesy. I can't believe she wrote them, I thought she was more serious than this," Erena sighed and glanced at the computer in front of Tsubasa. The leader of A-RISE was re-reading the email that μ's had sent them a few hours before where they attached all the ideas they had had for the collaboration. Thinking about the upcoming days, about sharing that much time with μ's —with Honoka— made her so excited that she had barely slept the night before because she was too excited.

"You're too hard on them, darling," Anju answered simply, trying to peek on whatever Tsubasa was reading. She sighed at the sight of her friend staring at Kotori's design ideas like they were some kind of unprecedented pieces of art. "I have read them and I think they're nice. Besides, when you two start working together, you'll be able to reduce the number of 'cheesy lines'."

"You're making me depressed just by thinking about it. At least you get to work with Minami. She seems to be one of the few sane members of that group. No offense, Tsubasa."

"No hard feelings, don't worry," her friend answered as she got up from her seat and went to grab a water bottle from the ice-box. "It's not like I got the short end of the stick either, so…"

"But you don't get to work with your beloved Kousaka."

"At least I will be able to see her every day and, hopefully, get closer to her."

Erena faked a gag, but then smiled. "Well, I hope I don't find you two making out around the building because that'd be gross as hell."

"Oh, would it?" Tsubasa raised a brow and gave a knowing grin.

"I still think Erena was the luckiest of us. Sonoda-san has always been the most interesting member of μ's along with Ayase-san…" Anju said dreamily, ingoring her friends in the most blatant way possible. It was usual of her, though, especially when she knew the other two could get into an argument and she wanted to change the subject.

Erena groaned loudly and Tsubasa chuckled.

"Look Anju, it's okay if you have the hots for them, but I'm the one who has to _repeatedly_ read Sonoda's tragically corny lyrics about the power of friendship and that kind of crap we are forced to write about."

"In their defence, I must admit that the sample lyrics we sent them in our original mail were way cheesier than Sonoda-san's." Tsubasa said, furrowing her brows as she remembered the terrible lines they chose to send with their email. No wonder why Umi Sonoda had worked so hard on her own lyrics to send back — A-RISE's were just a big no-no.

"Okay, that's fair." Erena raised her hands as if admitting defeat, but quickly spoke up again. "But have you seen the title of the song? She named it _Rising Muses_. That's probably the lamest title one could come up with, trust me. Like, seriously? I'm not saying this to be rude. I wrote a song called _Shocking_ fucking _Party_ , for God's sake." Both Anju and Tsubasa stared at Erena as she talked, torn between amusement and the need to shut her up before she said something too rude even for her.

"I think it's a good title," her leader said, shrugging like it was no big deal.

" _Rising Muses_? But it sounds like… like…"

Anju smiled slyly.

"It sounds like an absolute success."

* * *

_Rising Muses_ was indeed the biggest success of the year.

After a half a month of working on the lyrics they had prepared —much to Erena's dismay—, designing new outfits that fit both μ's and A-RISE, composing a catchy tune that was able to mix the styles of the two groups into one song (and that was suitable for their lyrics), the song had been ready to be recorded. Everything was incredibly rushed but every single of the twelve girls was able to keep up with the hasty pace of the collaboration.

The other half of the month was spent between visits to the studio, photoshoots, PV recordings and the anticipation of what their fans had to say about it. Nobody actually knew that μ's and A-RISE were to release a single together — some people had speculated after seeing A-RISE visit the company building of their rival group, but no one dared to put forward a theory on why was this happening.

The first promotional picture was released exactly one month and two weeks after μ's first received that email. Everyone was pleased with the fast results, even though the girls were tired, lacked sleep and longed for a few seconds of free time where they had not to worry about being perfect for a second. Their schedules covered the span of two months, and would have probably covered even more if A-RISE didn't have a tour around Japan scheduled already.

But things were ready to be done, and the "rising muses" had already been invited to more shows, programmes and festivals that any group of humans could possibly attend to. Everyone was happy beyond their need of rest, and they promised to work as hard as they could before their paths had to separate.

Two people in particular were happier than the rest.

* * *

" _I can't believe god has listened to my prayers and this collab is real. I'm so blessed"_ — posted by makipanaforever, 5:21PM.

" _the song is great and their synchro is nice… their last live performance really impressed me"_ — posted by anonymous, 5:22PM.

" _My two favourite groups together omg! Rising muses slayed tbh"_ — posted by anonymous, 6:49PM.

" _A-RISE is still better but this was cooler than expected. No wonder why it is a hit"_ — posted by princessanju, 8:12PM.

" _their live performance in the summer music festival killed me. also have you seen honoka and tsubasa? the leaders have a great chemistry"_ — posted by psychicbibi, 8:54PM.

" _I know right? A new ship is born haha goodbye to 9_ _th_ _wheel Honoka"_ — posted by anonymous, 9:41PM in response to psychicbibi.

" _rise tsubahono rise!"_ — posted by anonymous, 9:58PM, in response to anonymous.

* * *

Honoka was sick.

That was the only conclusion she could come to after being victim of weird symptoms ever since μ's started recording their collaboration single with A-RISE. Catching an illness was not the usual for her but it seemed that all the hard work and the pressure ended up having their consequences and now she was feeling that way. Her managers wouldn't listen to her, however, after she visited the doctor with them and he told her she had nothing to worry about — "it's probably just stress or lack of sleep", the doctor had said without even looking at her.

But Honoka just _knew_ there was something wrong with her that had been going on for quite a while now. It worried her that things could actually get worse and she wouldn't be able to perform anymore, but the truth was that this malaise didn't keep her from singing or dancing or smiling like she always did. Still, Maki had told her once that one couldn't spend their lives being sick (and Honoka trusted Maki's words because she was the daughter of actual doctors) so, whenever she had some free time, she tried to search for answers in the internet. Maki had also told her that self-diagnosis wasn't good but it was proven that doctors weren't helpful and Honoka really, really wanted to stop having that weird feeling inside her.

She had noticed that, sometimes, it looked like Tsubasa wasn't her usual self either, so Honoka wondered if she was sick, too. Maybe the other members of A-RISE were sick, too. If she were honest, Honoka didn't pay much attention to them compared to Tsubasa, with whom she spent all the time she could both on and off the stage — her managers also told her to keep doing that because, apparently, the fans loved it and it was good for their image. Honoka had no complaints about that.

On the other hand, Honoka also worried that Tsubasa wasn't comfortable with this fanservice she did. Every now and then, the leader of A-RISE would subtly reject Honoka's displays of affection or just answer without much enthusiasm to her advances. She didn't enjoy making her friend feel awkward around her, but there were times when she just couldn't help it.

"You look really thoughtful. Is something wrong?"

Though it was Honoka's back that faced the door, she didn't need to turn around to know who had just entered her changing room. It was a habit by now.

"I was just dreaming of you, Tsubasa-chan," she answered with a playful smile on her lips. "You caught me red-handed!"

Tsubasa chuckled, and Honoka could see that she was staring at the floor and not at her. She pressed her lips slightly, disturbed by this unusual behaviour.

"You're going to make me blush, Honoka."

The thing was, Tsubasa was already blushing. Honoka started to panic. Was she feeling okay? Was that the illness finally doing its thing? Was Tsubasa going to faint? Would Honoka have to carry her out of the room? Because she barely had any muscles in her arms and Umi always scolded her because she didn't train enough and…

The leader of A-RISE locked the door behind her, still not looking at Honoka. The ginger felt an emotional itch, something that she coudln't quite scratch. She just wished this sickness went away soon and stopped making her feel like… like _that_.

"I'm sorry. I know this is weird." Tsubasa's smile was apologetic but her voice wasn't. She looked both nervous and determined, and it made Honoka confused. "I just really need to talk to you."

"O-okay?"

"Please, sit down."

Tsubasa gestured at the small couch in the right side of the room and Honoka cautiously sat on it, her whole body a wreck of nerves because she didn't understand what was going on but she felt as if nothing good would come out of that situation. Tsubasa too looked troubled even if she was the one who knew what the hell was happening, and that only made Honoka feel worse.

The room was silent except for the sound of both leaders breathing and a clock ticking in the distance. Their managers had told them to take their time changing and preparing to go home because next day would be a free day —the only one they'd have during the promotions of _Rising Muses_ —, so Honoka didn't expect anyone to pass by the room looking for them.

She stared at Tsubasa and blinked a couple of times, waiting for the girl to say or do something to explain why she locked them both in the first place. Honoka wanted to ask, but her mouth didn't respond to her commands and she just kept shut, looking at Tsubasa. She was really beautiful (she always had been), and Honoka found it extremely cute that she was just a bit shorter than her even if her stage presence made her look like the tallest, most intimidating girl in the planet. Honoka also noted that she was fidgeting and thought that Tsubasa's hands were pretty, too — hell, all of her was.

"I've been meaning to tell you this for a while now, but I couldn't find the right time. I still don't think _this_ is the right time, but I feel like I might die if I don't get this off my chest."

Honoka wanted to ask what was wrong —what had she done wrong—, but she was interrupted before she could find the proper words. Tsubasa was looking at her so fiercely that Honoka felt she was trapped in a locked cage with a wild animal.

"I'm aware that this…" She made a vague hand motion, pretty hard to understand by Honoka's confused self. "I'm aware that it's wrong and shouldn't be happening. And I'm aware that you will most likely hate me after I tell you this, but I'm willing to bear all of that because you deserve to know and…"

" _Oh no"_ , Honoka though and felt her face getting pale, _"she hates me. She is going to tell me that she hates me. I'm an idiot and now she hates me because of it."_

She felt worse than ever. Maybe the illness was finally showing up.

"Well, what I'm meaning to tell you is that I… That you… Uh," Tsubasa stumbled over her own words, unable to find the right thing to say what she wanted to say. It only made Honoka feel more anxious. "Hell, this is hard."

Honoka took this as her cue to stop everything from hurting her.

"T-tsubasa-chan, I understand what you want to say. I know I'm really obnoxious and stupid and that I don't ever get how other people feel and I can totally understand why you hate me, seriously." She smiled but it was forced and cringe-worthy. Tears welled up on the corner of her eyes. "You don't have to give me an explanation."

Furrowing her brows, Tsubasa tilted her head slightly, looking like a lost puppy.

"What?"

Honoka sighed, doing her best not to cry in front of her fellow leader again.

"I get that you hate me and I promise not to bother you anymore while we're promoting."

It took her by surprise, but Tsubasa held Honoka's shoulders and stared directly at her eyes. The ginger felt her cheeks getting warmer and gulped, scared of what might happen and nervous because of the funny feeling growing on her stomach like an enlarged version of what she had been feeling the past weeks. Could it be…?

"What I've been meaning to tell you is _this_."

Honoka felt the pressure on her shoulders increasing and something moist against her lips.

Tsubasa Kira was kissing her. And Honoka, though still stunned because of the situation, was trying really hard to kiss back.

She had finally realized it, she thought while smiling against Tsubasa's mouth.

It wasn't an illness. It was a _crush_.

The kiss had to end because even if both of them were singers trained in the art of never losing your breath, kissing wasn't the same as singing and certainly not as passionate as that one was for Honoka and Tsubasa.

The leader of A-RISE looked visibly embarrassed of what she had just done, whereas Honoka just stared blankly at her with one of her hands stroking her own lips, as if she couldn't actually believe that Tsubasa's had been there just seconds ago.

"I-I'm so sorry." Tsubasa fumbled for the right words to say while making her way towards the door, which left Honoka confused because didn't she just kiss back? "I shouldn't have done that, i-it was disrespectful and weird and…"

"Tsubasa-chan," Honoka called with a voice that didn't sound like hers. She got up and was quick to grab Tsubasa by the wrist, stopping her from escaping the room. The door was locked, anyways.

If she had been a wild animal before, like a tiger or a lion perhaps, now Tsubasa wasn't more than a scared tiny creature, a puppy that knew she had something wrong and was ready for her punishment. The way she looked at her made Honoka feel all fuzzy inside.

"That was my first kiss, Tsubasa-chan," she continued, as it didn't look like the other girl was willing to contribute to that conversation. For the first time since they met, the height difference between them was noticeable. "You stole my first kiss."

"I-I know! I'm so s-sorry, Honoka, I swear I—"

Honoka kissed her again, using her free hand to cup one of Tsubasa's cheeks.

Now it was turn for Tsubasa to be surprised, as she didn't quite process what was actually happening until her back hit the door of the room and the pressure of Honoka's hungry lips against hers didn't stop. After some seconds, the smaller of the two wrapped her arms around the ginger's waist and started to reciprocate the kiss because if that was a dream she didn't want to wake up and she had to take as much advantage as she could. Honoka grinned as she stopped for a moment to recover her breath and went back to the kiss.

They were uncertain of how much time they had spent making out, but a silent agreement passed through them as the both broke the kiss at the same time: if they didn't stop then and there, they may never do it. Noises could be heard from the other side of the door and it was most likely time that μ's and A-RISE headed back home.

Honoka, smiling childishly, rested her forehead against Tsubasa's as they both tried to recover their breath.

"I hope that was yours, too," she said, looking at the other girl straight in the eyes. Tsubasa smiled back. "Now we're even."

* * *

" _A-RISE and u's are legends, I can't believe their promotions are ending now :( they deserve like 40 Grammys"_ — posted by anonymous, 3:11AM.

" _Man Honoka-san just looks so pretty lately. I want her to marry me. She's my everything. She looks so happy. I love her."_ — posted by chikaloveshonk, 9:49AM.

" _the shipping during these promotions has been intense… rising muses are just so shippeables wow I love anju x umi!"_ — posted by yuukisenpai, 11:57AM.

" _Honestly it looks like Tsubasa and Honoka have grown really close. The way they look at each other is just so cute!"_ — posted by honkingintensifies, 4:30PM.

" _did y'all see that nozoeli moment in their performance yesterday? Fucking. Married."_ — posted by danknozo, 4:56PM.

" _I really hope that Racing Idols next week is full of gay moments because I'm going to miss all my girlies so much. Good thing I get to see A-RISE when they come to Kyoto!"_ — posted by kirakiratsubation, 7:08PM.

" _So they record Racing Idols and that's it? They end the promotions like this? Hell, their last live performance wasn't epic enough for a goodbye stage. This is some bullshit_ " — posted by anonymous, 9:54PM.

* * *

"Welcome one more time to this week's episode of Racing Idols! Today we're back again with Japan's most beloved twelve ladies: A-RISE and μ's. After working hard in the first part of this episode's events, our girls will have to face the ultimate challenge of our show. You know what it is, right?"

Both groups yelled in excitement and amusement.

"The Idol Killer Race!"

The host laughed wholeheartedly at the sight of twelve professional idols and entertainers looking so wrought-up at the idea of facing a stupid segment with such a problematic name.

"I didn't expect less from our nation's favourite idols," he said with a wide smile. "Now, as usual, we'll explain the rules of the Idol Killer Race and then we'll enter our location for today's challenge. It's going to be a bit special, though, because there is so many of you."

Everyone nodded, anticipating the game they were going to play next. Racing Idols was a very popular variety show that almost every member of both groups watched weekly, as it was the most different yet entertaining programme for idols on TV. Ever since their managers told them that they were requested to record an episode for it, the twelve girls looked forward to spend the day having fun in Racing Idols.

"Let's start with the basics. In the Idol Killer Race, each of you will be given a tag with your name that you'll wear on your back. To win, you must steal everyone else's name tag before they take yours. Once your tag is stolen, you are automatically disqualified from the game and therefore, you cannot win the race. Any question, girls?"

All of them were familiar with the rules of the show, so no questions were asked. They all just wanted to start the game and show their value and their experience after having watched so many episodes of Racing Idols —everyone had their strategy figured out already, of course—.

"Since there is twelve of you, we have decided that today's game will be played in pairs. Don't worry, you'll be able to go with whoever you feel the most comfortable with," said the host cheerfully. The girls glanced at each other, unsure if they liked the new rules of the game. Rin, who was standing next to Honoka, took a couple of swift steps and moved next to Hanayo with a grin. "Each pair will be given a clue, and will have to search for the missing five clues in order to win the game. If you steal someone's name tag, both she and her partner will be disqualified and they will have to hand you their clue, so you have to ways to win the game — silently looking for the clues or eliminating the competition. Understood?"

"Yes!"

"Okay, now choose your partner and we will give you your clues so the game can begin. Once you're inside, you'll be lead to your starting point so you don't bump with the rest after the game has just started."

Honoka looked around her and saw that, just like she had expected, her members had already made pairs with their usual partners. Though it didn't surprise her, it irked her somehow that they didn't really bother to discuss what they were going to do — only Kotori and Umi approached her in order to ask what she wanted to do.

A hand rested on Honoka's shoulder and she turned her head slightly to meet Tsubasa's warm smile.

"How about we go together? Anju and Erena said they would like to be a team, so…" Tsubasa looked at Kotori and Umi, looking for their approval. "Do you mind?"

"No, of course, not," Kotori quickly answered with a cheery voice. "Umi-chan and I will go as a team, then."

Umi didn't look half as convinced, though.

"Honoka, is that alright with you?"

"Yeah, sure!" The ginger said perhaps too happily, wrapping her arms around Tsubasa's elbow, which made the other leader blush wildly. "Tsubasa-chan and I make a great team, you'll see."

Still not quite satisfied with that answer, Umi took a few seconds to stop staring at them silently. She bowed her head a bit and then followed Kotori, as the hosts of the show were calling them to enter the location for the game. She hoped that things didn't look too weird because she was sure that everything was being caught on camera (though Umi really believed that fans would understand that it was part of her nature to be protective over her childhood friend).

They entered the building behind the host, taking a quick look at the location for the game and allowing themselves to be surprised. The spot for that day's race was a shopping mall located on the suburbs. It was completely empty and prepared for the show, and since it was already night time the lights were on and the shops were still open so the girls could find the clues that had been hidden.

"Are you all set in pairs? Yes? Perfect! We will give each of you a clue and a name tag. Take care of them!" The host clapped his hands excitedly as he saw the different members of the staff approaching the couples and handing them their tools for the game. "We will also announce through the loudspeaker when it's time for you to start. I hope you are ready for the Idol Killer Race!"

Accompanied by one cameraman each, all the pairings followed their assigned staff member and allowed them to guide them towards their starting point. The place was bigger than it looked, mostly because it was completely empty as opposed to usual, and it gave a somehow creepy vibe of loneliness.

Honoka and Tsubasa went all the way up to the last floor and received their name tags and their clue — a small, blue paper that simply read a capital letter R. They stared at it in confusion, wondering what it could mean. It may have been a clue, but it didn't give any further information on where to go or what to do next.

The cameramen cleared his throat behind them so as to catch their attention. Both girls turned around at the same time.

"I must inform you that in this floor there is one more clue. You can go find it or try looking for the others. Do as you want. I'll just follow you."

Tsubasa held her chin, seemingly deep in thought.

"I think it's the best if we just try looking for the clues and avoid any confrontation with the other teams. It'll be easier," she murmured and looked back at Honoka, who simply stared at her without blinking. "What do you think?"

"Me? Well, uh… Anything is alright for me, I guess. I'm not really athletic so I don't think I'll put a good fight for the others, anyway."

"Don't worry, it doesn't matter. I'm not in a good shape, either," Tsubasa smiled and shrugged.

The loudspeakers screeched. It was almost time for the game to begin, so both girls prepared to start playing.

"We're going to win this."

* * *

Against all odds, Honoka and Tsubasa really made a great team. They were one of the three last pairs that still stood without being disqualified and they had already gathered every single clue. The key word formed by the different paper was the word RACING, and the girls had been lucky enough to find almost every clue in the hiding place chosen by the staff. They had also managed to take out the team formed by Nozomi and Eli while the two of them were distracted looking for another team to fight after taking down Nico and Maki —their bickering didn't stop and it was fairly easy to locate and to overpower them, especially for a pair as synchronized as those two were—. Eli's face when Honoka ripped off her name tag was priceless and fans would certainly love it when the episode aired.

The clues were supposed to be taken to the lobby of the mall, and so Tsubasa and Honoka were hiding behind a hoarding, just a few meters away from their goal. Tsubasa, who wasn't half as reckless as her ginger partner, wanted to make sure that there was none around to steal all they had now that they were so close to winning.

They weren't the only ones who had gotten that far, though.

Tsubasa put a finger on Honoka's lips as an indication for her not to make any noises, though the leader of μ's was too busy trying not to blush —because, damn, they were on camera— to worry about talking.

A fight of titans was happening in the lobby. Erena with Anju and Umi with Kotori had casually crossed paths just when they were about to win and now both teams were glowering at each other so fiercely that it felt as if two of them weren't going to make it out alive. Since the rules said that the two members of each team had to finish the game in order to win, Erena and Umi could choose to fight or try and see who could reach the goal faster.

Apparently, they preferred to fight.

Honoka felt something wrapping around her wrist and noticed that Tsubasa was gesturing to follow her. She obliged and they moved silently while hiding behind pillars, hoardings and a couple of conveniently-located plants. Umi and Erena hadn't engaged any kind of physical competition yet, but they walked in circles as they fiercely stared at each other. They were so competitive that they wouldn't allow themselves to win without taking the other down first.

"Honoka," Tsubasa mouthed, not wanting to be heard by the other teams. "We can wait here until they are done and then we will win."

Honoka nodded and gave a thumbs up.

Meanwhile, Erena and Umi had already started their particular "fight". Even if they had their partners with them, it was more of a duel than a match by teams, though Anju was more willing than Kotori to take part in the fight and win. Umi looked surprised that Erena could actually match her abilities, but that only made her try harder.

Tsubasa observed the scene with attention, ready to start running at any moment. She was holding Honoka's hand, though neither of them had really noticed —though the cameraman made sure to record it all—, as they were too eager at the idea of winning the game.

"Now!" Yelled Tsubasa just as Erena and Umi ripped off each other tags at the very same time, therefore disqualifying both teams and clearing the path for the leaders to win the Idol Killer Race.

An orange flash appeared out of nowhere and quickly overtook Honoka and Tsubasa while the recently eliminated teams stared in disbelief at the actions taking part in front of them.

After a few seconds, the loudspeaker could be heard again.

"Rin and Hanayo are the winners of today's Idol Killer Race!"

* * *

From: Tsubasa-chan, 2:13AM

" _Honoka?"_

" _Are you awake?"_

To: Tsubasa-chan, 2:16AM

" _Yes. Need something?"_

From: Tsubasa-chan, 2:17AM

" _I'd like to say goodbye face to face as I don't know what our schedule is tomorrow"_

" _Want to meet at the roof or something?"_

To: Tsubasa-chan, 2:23AM

" _Wait"_

" _I'm going to your room"_

* * *

"Sorry, I had to sneak past Umi. You know how she is."

Honoka stood in the door of Tsubasa's hotel room, trying to catch her breath. She had sprinted across the building to reach the other girls' room as fast as possible, not wanting to be caught by her groupmates. For some reason, Tsubasa's texts always meant that Honoka had to run to a certain place to meet her. It was becoming some kind of habit, she thought with a smile, and it was a habit that she wouldn't leave for anything in this world.

"No, I'm the one that's actually sorry. I shouldn't have texted you this late," Tsubasa said, looking visibly worried. She walked over to the ginger girl and held her hand, closing the door behind them. "I just wanted to say goodbye properly before tomorrow. I imagine we will be leaving very early in the morning and we won't be able to see each other… You know, alone."

As she spoke, Tsubasa lead Honoka to her bed so they both could sit down. Honoka felt her chest flutter with happiness at the touch of the other girl's hand. Being with Tsubasa still made her nervous —even after all they had being through—, but the smile on her lips wouldn't fade away. And Tsubasa always looked cute when she blushed like that.

"I'm glad you texted me, then," Honoka said, grinning from ear to ear, sitting as close to the other girl as she could. "It's not going to be the same without you here."

"I know. I'm going to miss being together all the time, but I think it was good while it lasted," she gave a sad smile. "I-I'm also glad I confessed to you that day."

Honoka beamed at that statement, her eyes sparkling like a little kid's.

"Me too! You know, I actually believed I was sick or something because I didn't understand that I had a crush on you. Can you believe it?" She chuckled at her own story, wondering how the hell she could be such an idiot sometimes. Now her feelings were crystal clear and she was happy that things had come to be like this.

Tsubasa laughed too, amused at her girlfriend's silly ideas. She was just too adorable for words and she felt the sudden urge to kiss her. Honoka kissed back gladly, a grin still on her lips.

Between kisses, Honoka somehow ended up sitting on top of Tsubasa's lap, panting as she tried to recover her breath. It didn't matter, though, because the sight of Tsubasa under her with messy hair and swollen lips was enough to make her breathless again.

"Listen…" the other girl called, interlocking her fingers with the ginger's and smiling, "I know I haven't told you before, and I know it may sound hasty… or stupid… or whatever, but…"

Honoka knew what was coming next, not just because Tsubasa kept stumbling and the palm of her hands, firmly held against Honoka's, were sweating. She knew what was coming because she felt _it_. And the fact that Tsubasa felt it too made Honoka want to cry out of raw happiness —and maybe, just maybe, to make out with her on national TV—.

"Honoka," Tsubasa started and looked right into the other girl's eyes, "I love you."

Silence settled between them, making Tsubasa feel terribly uneasy. She had said it without a second thought, but now she feared that Honoka would be freaked out. Perhaps it was going too fast, and perhaps she should apologize and let it go.

She couldn't say anything else, though, because something wet fell on her face and took all her attention. Tsubasa didn't have to think about it a lot to realize that what was falling onto her cheeks were tears. Honoka was crying.

"Honoka? A-are you okay?" The girl below asked and tried to sit up so she could be face to face with the ginger. She put her hands on Honoka's moist cheeks and wiped her tears. Then, she did the same, but instead of with her hands, she kissed the tears away, as Honoka showed no resistance. "I'm sorry. I'm really so—"

Her words were smothered by a kiss — it was a very sloppy and frenzied one, pretty similar to the first one they shared. Honoka's eyes were still drenched, but now she was too busy with Tsubasa's lips to worry about crying.

Tsubasa felt her back touch the mattress again, her hands going up and down on the ginger's thighs. She could feel the lack of air in her lungs as the air of the room got hotter and Honoka kissed her with such passion it was like Tsubasa would fade away forever if she wasn't being kissed.

"Tsubasa," Honoka broke the kiss, but she was still so close to the other girl's lips that they brushed against each other when she talked. She had stopped crying, but her voice sounded hoarse and it made Tsubasa's body _burn_.

"Tsubasa, I love you too." There was no time to answer, because Honoka's lips were on hers again. Her hands were now playing with the edge of the ginger's jeans. "I love you." Another kiss. "I am in love with you."

Now it was the brunette's turn to feel like crying, though Honoka was quick to press their lips close together so she could deepen the kiss. With Tsubasa's hands playing under her shirt, the ginger started kissing her way down from the other girl's jaw to her neck. They were supposed to say goodbye and leave, but now they were so focused on each other that the idea of parting was inconceivable.

Tsubasa couldn't keep her hands to herself, but she was able to gather enough self-control to stop stroking Honoka's stomach for a few seconds. "A-are you sure of this, Honoka?" She wanted both of them to be sure of what they were going to do — because it was obvious where everything was going to end, and the last thing Tsubasa wanted was Honoka to have any regrets.

Smiling, Honoka stopped her attentions on Tsubasa's neck to go back to her lips. "I've never been so sure of something in my life," she said with a smile, just before she kissed her again.

* * *

Kotori had never been really close with anyone outside μ's. She was the kind that preferred to stick with her members and not go around making new friends from other groups that she would barely meet a few times during the year because of their tight schedules. Anju Yuuki, was, therefore, not an exception, regardless of the collaboration single that had recently been released.

That's why she was surprised when a text woke her up from her light sleep, too early to be casual and too messy to be normal for someone like Anju.

From: Anju Yuuki, 5:46AM

" _Come to A-RISE rooms quick. We need you. Please."_

Closely followed by Umi —of course—, Kotori ran out of her hotel room and sprinted down the hall, looking for Anju and her groupmates. It didn't go unnoticed for her the fact that Honoka was missing from her room and was also nowhere to be found, which only led her to one conclusion: she was with A-RISE. Now it was whatever happened to her than worried Kotori.

She found a blur of light and noise at the end of the corridor, and Anju's shapely figure stood out between that mess. She welcomed Kotori with a worried expression and no sweet words to share, quite unlikely of her.

"Sorry I woke you up, but this is…" Anju couldn't find the proper way to put it down, apparently. The now loud noise behind her —someone arguing— took most of Kotori's attention, but neither she nor Umi dared to approach the scene. "This is hard. You need to take her with you."

By 'her', she meant Honoka, of course.

Now that Anju had welcomed them, she guided the pair to the very end of the hallway, where an open door was the source from the light and shouting that was causing so many problems. Kotori worried that Honoka may have done something bad, though she doubted it — after all, she knew her friend since they were kids and it was not common for the ginger to cause any trouble, at least not intentionally.

They quickly discovered that the source of most noise was a manager, a lanky female around her late thirties, who tried her best to free herself from Erena's grip in order to get inside of the room. The girl, however, wasn't willing to let her go so easily.

"Do you have any idea of how this is going to affect you, you selfish brat?"

Kotori and Umi peeked behind the struggling manager to take a look at what was happening inside the room. They saw Tsubasa, looking angrier than they could ever imagine and only in a half-buttoned shirt, gathering clothes and trying to get properly dressed while she fought with the older woman.

"Do you even _know_ how people are going to react when this goes out? Your career is going to be over! You are going to ruin this for everyone, you egoistical piece of…"

Tsubasa interrupted her manager. There was fire on her eyes and seeing her like that scared Kotori.

"Oh, and how are people going to find out exactly, huh? Are you going to rat us out or something?"

Erena looked at Tsubasa with threatening eyes, as if warning her to control her tongue, but the leader of A-RISE was just completely out of herself.

Things had started to make sense inside Kotori's head, and she swiftly dodged Erena and the manager to enter the room. Tsubasa, who was fuming at the door, didn't even look at her, too occupied getting dressed and preparing to literally fight her manager if necessary.

Just liked she expected, Kotori found Honoka there. She was sitting on the bed, with the covers hiding her from the heated argument. Kotori's stomach dropped when she realized that her friend's shoulders were bare and she noticed a familiar shirt lying on the floor. Things had really gotten out of control.

Umi was better than her at keeping a level head, so she was the one who did the talking.

"Just what exactly happened here?"

The question was directed to the manager, who had finally freed herself from Erena's tight grip but didn't move from her spot. Her face was red from anger, and she glowered at Tsubasa like she was ready to throw her out of the window.

"I come because Tsubasa had a check-up and I find her with your friend," she gestured to the bed with a small head movement. Honoka sunk in her spot, as if about to cry. "Together. In bed. You really don't have to be a genius to take your own conclusions."

"And what's the matter exactly? First you come into my room without even knocking and now you tell me that I don't get to have a private life?"

The manager growled, growing visibly more annoyed as the conversation went on. Kotori started gathering Honoka's clothes from the floor while she deliberately ignored the fight — her only priority was taking her friend out of there as soon as possible. Umi got the same idea and started helping her.

"Of course you don't get to! Didn't you read your contract when you signed it or are you so stupid that you don't even know how to read!?" Tsubasa took a step forward to confront the manager, but Erena's stare was enough to make her stop. "When you signed that contract, you agreed not to date anyone! And now you want to be in a relationship with not only a girl, but a member of μ's! Are you aware of what that means? It's not only your career that is at stake, but also theirs!"

"Huh, so you are really going to tell the CEO about this? Because I'm going to make sure I take you down with me if you dare to ruin it."

With a loud sigh, the manager walked to Tsubasa and grabbed her by the arm.

"Let me go," Tsubasa scowled, but her manager didn't care about what she had to say and started dragging her out of the room while everyone stared in disbelief at them.

"We're going to have a nice talk after you get on the van. The three of us," said the older woman under her breath. Her eyes pierced Erena and Anju, who weren't sure of what to do to help.

The manager then noticed the members of μ's in the room. She glared at them, particularly at Honoka, who still looked like a wounded puppy but was too fixed on Tsubasa to care about the angry manager.

"And you better get out of here quickly. I don't want to see you around."

Her grip around Tsubasa's elbow strengthened and the leader of A-RISE was taken out of the hotel room without being able to put up a decent fight. The last thing she did was look at Honoka and mouth "I'm really sorry" before she disappeared behind the door.

Nobody knew what to do next.

* * *

To: Tsubasa-chan, 6:48PM

" _Tsubasa-chan, are you okay?"_

" _Please answer"_

" _I'm sorry. This is my fault"_

" _What did they do to you?"_

" _I miss you"_

" _I love you"_

* * *

A-RISE were on tour for the following two months and not a single text from Tsubasa was received. Honoka was starting to get really sick this time, but luckily for her, μ's were in a break and she was allowed to rest and not worry about being there for the fans.

The unfortunate morning in the hotel ended with Honoka crying her eyes out while not only Kotori and Umi tried to comfort her, but also Erena and Anju. Then, the two remaining members of A-RISE were forced to leave the place in a rush because they were supposed to take a plane whithin a few hours. They promised to make sure Tsubasa was okay and contact Honoka as soon as possible to update her of how things were going.

It was hard, but after what happened in the hotel, the rest of the members and Honoka had a long, honest talk about their feeling and why things had come to this point. Confessing how bad she had felt before she met Tsubasa again that day was a relief, though the rest of μ's felt incredibly disappointed with themselves for not noticing how bad their leader was doing and not caring about making her feel comfortable. Tears were shed, "I'm sorry"s were spoken numerous times and μ's were back to being the team they had always been.

Everyone made sure to visit Honoka and not leave her alone for a single day, since after discovering the incident in the hotel they were scared that A-RISE were now banned from contacting μ's at all for a long time. Many magazines and blogs had already started putting forward their theories on why both groups didn't get to say goodbye publicly and the rumours about a fight between them in the hotel spread like wildfire.

Trying not to be discovered by her friends, Honoka listened to every radio show A-RISE were in, watched every interview they had, read every article about them in hopes that she could discover if Tsubasa was alright and nothing wrong was going to happen to her. Though the leader of A-RISE looked way more tired than usual and certainly lacked sleep, there were no other signs of her being mistreated or under too much pressure.

Honoka also wondered if Tsubasa thought about her all day, just like she did.

* * *

"It's a pity that we have to go, but our time is running out for today's broadcast. It was a great pleasure having A-RISE with us this morning, even if they are so busy with this tour around Japan. Thank you so much for your time, girls!"

"No need to thank us, it's always a pleasure."

"Thank you for being so kind to us today."

A small silence.

"Kira-san? Are you alright?"

"Huh? Oh, yes. My bad. I was just daydreaming."

A chuckle.

"Is that so? Were you perhaps dreaming about someone?"

It was a radio show but you could hear Tsubasa smiling.

"And also hoping that they were dreaming about me, too."

* * *

From: Erena Todo, 9:29AM.

" _This is Tsubasa. Meet me behind your company's building in half an hour. Please"_

* * *

Honoka had known for a very long time that she didn't like Tsubasa anymore. She _loved_ her.

She also knew it was stupid to believe that they could ever have a normal relationship, because both of them were girls and idols, but she had hoped that maybe one day they could be together just like any normal couple would. Hoping for this had ended up hurting her once, but Honoka was ready to be hurt a hundred times if it meant she could be happy with Tsubasa for a short period of time.

She didn't really have to think it too much to go and wait for the leader of A-RISE behind her company building.

It was a small alley, big enough for a car to pass through, but it was discreet and a good place to meet without anyone noticing. Honoka arrived before it was the appointed hour and checked her phone every two seconds, wishing that she would be updated on the other girl's situation.

"Sorry I made you wait."

Tsubasa's voice came out of nowhere, making Honoka feel butterflies in her stomach. It had been quite a long time since she had last heard the other girls' voice in person and it was softer, sweeter than she remembered and she had missed it _so_ much.

As expected, Tsubasa was wearing sunglasses and a mask covering her mouth so nobody noticed it was her walking around town. Honoka gestured her to enter the building, not wanting to be discovered or interrupted by any random person that happened to pass by.

Once inside, the leader of A-RISE took of her disguise and greeted Honoka with the brightest of smiles. She went in for a hug but Honoka stepped back, looking at her with a sad expression. Tsubasa understood completely what happened.

"I'm sorry I didn't contact you. They took my phone and made sure I couldn't communicate with anyone outside the group. They even took Anju and Erena's phones so I couldn't use them, either." She stared at the floor, frowning. "Though she didn't say anything to our CEO, she punished me like that and I couldn't find a way to talk to you. I'm really sorry."

Honoka struggled to find the right way to put in words how she was feeling.

"I… I understand. I actually imagined that they were going to do that to you, but…" She rubbed the back of her neck, tears welling up on the corner of her eyes. "I had a really bad time without you, and thinking that you may get in trouble or hurt again because of me…"

Tsubasa got closer to her and held her hand, staring fiercely. It seemed like she had thought about this conversation many times and she was ready to face whatever answer Honoka gave her. She didn't want to give up.

"Look," she squeezed Honoka's hand and smiled gently, "I understand if you don't want to continue this. I know it's hard for both of us, but being with you makes me really happy and I'd like it to have no end. However, if you feel like this is too much for you, I'll be alright with putting an end to it here and now."

Her words echoed through Honoka's head while she tried to make a choice. Once again, her feelings were a mess and she wasn't sure of what to say or do — if she just followed her heart, things could go wrong again, but on the other hand ending everything there didn't seem like the right thing to do.

"What happened to that manager?" She asked as a way to gain a bit more of time to think about her answer.

Tsubasa looked confused at the sudden question, but she recovered quickly.

"Oh, she won't say anything. Anju's family is pretty influential and she said that they helped to… uh, buy her silence somehow. She won't bother us anymore, hopefully."

The leader of μ's nodded slowly, still deep in thought. She remembered all the bad times she had gone through after her group decided to try their 'shipping strategy', how happy she had felt when Tsubasa and her met again after that concert and all the good moments they had spent together even if they had been apart a lot of times.

Perhaps they would get caught again —though now they'd be a hundred times more careful—, or perhaps they may never get to be together like a real couple because of their careers, but Honoka was tired of just dreaming about being with Tsubasa.

The choice was actually way easier than she had first expected.

"Do you think we can make it through?" She asked in a low voice, locking her fingers with the other girl's. Tsubasa seemed to be surprised at first, but she smiled and held her hand tighter.

She leaned for a kiss before answering, and Honoka was very glad to be able to kiss back. She hadn't realized until now, but Tsubasa's absence really made her feel empty inside, and now that they were there, standing next to each other, touching and kissing, she thought that it was nice to have someone to complete her.

"I think," Tsubasa said, smiling against Honoka's lips, "that we can do anything if we're together."

**Author's Note:**

> Aaaaand that was it. I really hope you enjoyed it because I wanted to give this pairing some love and I hope I did them justice.  
> If you have any questions, suggestions or you just wanna talk to me, feel free to go to my twitter (@kiminokusenl for you english readers) or my tumblr (rippialohas).  
> Don't forget to leave a comment if you liked it, it always means a lot! Thanks for reading and for your time!!


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